Blergitty.

As I sit here desperately grasping at straws on the Craigslist job postings, I'm wondering why I don't just use my blog as a place to get advice. After all, you guys are always so supportive of everything I write here. And I think right now I could use some perspective. Let's just hope that no one who I work with finds this blog! (Or maybe I should hope for the opposite. Who knows?)

Basically, as I've hinted at (or hell, stated outright) here, I'm unhappy in my job. I thought it best to just suck it up and ride it out until the end of June, when my job is scheduled to end. After all, what is six months in the grand scheme of things? (And now it's even closer to five.) But I'm incredibly unhappy there. I'm stressed, and I don't feel like I have anyone there who I can really go to to help me sort things out. I don't feel like I'm particularly useful there. It's not that I don't have work--I do. It's that I feel like nothing I do is good enough and that I'm just wasting my time trying to figure out a job I will never be good at. It's not normal to cry at work at least once a week, is it?

Someone (I think it was Tara?) pointed out a few weeks ago that I should look into temporary legal jobs, i.e. document review for law firms. Mindless work that I could potentially get paid a decent amount of money for, and perhaps even something I could do part time. Now that idea is sounding so tempting. But Craiglist's job postings have nothing to offer right now. So I'm left at the same place I started: feeling lost and confused.

Even if I did find something to apply for, I might end up having to work there past June to make up for the lost income from my current job. The Dude and I have budgeted for the entire year, and that budget includes me keeping my current job through its term. My original plan was to go full time as a freelancer starting in July. But switching jobs now could mean I have to put that off for a little while. Given the opportunity to switch jobs, I'm still unsure whether it would be worth having to put off my dreams for a little bit longer. Suffice it to say that quitting my job and then looking for something else is not an option.

I can't help but feel like I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. I know that LOTS of people are unhappy in their jobs, and they don't even have a light at the end of the tunnel (albeit a tiny pinprick of a light) as I do. And I know many others who are currently unemployed and would give their right elbow for a job--any job. And when I think about that, I feel guilty for just wanting mine to end.

Tell me I'm crazy and I should just suck it up. Or tell me if you have a better idea.

Thanks for reading. You guys rock. Oh, and your reward for putting up with my complain-y post is a household-organization post, coming up soon!

I Rock. I Also Take Cash.

I know I've been really spotty on the Mixtape Masters Fridays, but they're seriously my favorite to do.

I've been sort of not having the best time at my day job lately, so what do I turn to as the ultimate source of comfort? All three seasons of Veronica Mars on DVD, of course. If you've read my blog for any length of time, you know I heart Buffy. But my love for Buffy pales in comparison to my love for the quirky, film-noir-style dramedy of the mid 2000s known as Veronica Mars. Easily my favorite TV series of all time. (Rob Thomas, when are you going to do your next TV project?)

I've made my way through the first two seasons and about half of the third (um, I'm not telling you how many viewings of the entire series this equals for me), and I decided that I must put together a V. Mars inspired playlist. So enjoy! And if you haven't rented this series on Netflix yet, what the hell are you waiting for?

"Just Another" by Pete Yorn

"Such Great Heights" by The Postal Service

"Ventura Highway" by America

"Private Eyes" by Hall and Oates

"Run" by Air

"Sway" by The Perishers

"I Hear the Bells" by Mike Doughty

"We Used to Be Friends" by The Dandy Warhols

Don't forget to check out the other Mixtape Masters this week!

Ashley   

Angie    

Tyler    

Lizzie    

Dana    

Jolynn    

Lisa    

Lyn    

Josie    

Kerry   

Stephanie
Ms. Bunny
Sarah
Heather
Robin
Jen 
Adam

All the Leaves Are Brown

I don't know about you, but the winter gloom is really getting me down. I'm dreaming of...

Source

Yeah, when the sun peeked out and my little city warmed up this past Monday, I realized part of the reason I've been feeling so blah lately: I was missing the warmth and light of the sun. It's kind of a relief to have a physical thing to point to and say, "Oh, that's why I was feeling like shit."

On our way out to Ikea to pick up some organizational stuff for our kitchen (Do you guys care about that kind of stuff? Should I take photos?), the Dude and I started talking about the lovely weather, and I realized that I still haven't quite given up on my dream of moving to Los Angeles. Before, when I was pretty positive I was going to be a lawyer for at least a few years, it didn't seem practical. (I'm never taking another bar exam. This I know for sure.) And then when we were briefly pregnant, it REALLY didn't seem like we would ever get a chance to move out there while we're still young. 

But things are different now. I'm probably going to be on my own job-wise and 100% working from home in the relatively near future. The hormonal fog that I was in post-miscarriage has dissipated, and I'm finding that I'm OK with waiting a little while to start trying to conceive. (The Dude is OK with waiting, too, though I think he's a little bit more "ready" than I am at this point.)

Hell, maybe the L.A. thing is all still just a pipe dream. I mean, we'd have to sell our house, or at least find someone willing to pay enough money in rent for us to keep up with our mortgage (not likely). The Dude would have to get a job, and even though he has an in with the Cali government, since that was his first job after college, it's not like their economy is exactly thriving right now. We'd have to figure out what to do with all of the furniture that we've been lovingly collecting for the past two years. (For the record, we are both firmly anti- storage unit.)

But I think what it really comes down to is do we want it enough? I think I do, but I don't know if I want it enough for the both of us. I'm not willing to force the Dude into something he isn't sure he wants. He says that he would totally be up for living in L.A. again, but I can tell that he's comfortably happy here in Austin. And I don't blame him. Austin is the shit.

I'll just wait for the winter gloom to pass, wait for my legal job to run its course, and see how I feel when I'm on the other side. Maybe it's just a fantastical notion that I need right now to get me through a job I'm unhappy at. Or maybe it's something more. I'm keeping an open mind.

Mulligan!

I think I'm gonna do it. Next month. I'm gonna get a "Mulligan." A Carrie Mulligan, that is.

Source

I've been wanting to cut my hair off for a while, but I've been so chicken. Yeah, I hacked a few inches off with some kitchen scissors a few weeks ago, but I'm really wanting some real change. I've been browsing Google images for celebrity inspiration photos, but nothing felt right. I knew what I was thinking of, but I couldn't fully picture it, and I definitely couldn't explain it. 

Then I remembered something my brother's girlfriend (who has a super funny and cute blog that you can check out here) said about how I had hair like Carrie Mulligan, and if I wanted, I could have short hair like hers. And then I found the above photo, which is perfect. I want something short, like, shorter that I've ever had. But I'm still not brave enough (and to be honest, I don't have the bone structure to pull off) something like this:

Source

But something unkempt and a wee bit shaggy? As long as it doesn't swing too far into mullet territory, sign me up!

Source

I'm pretty sure I'm going to do this in February. I mean, my at-home haircut is looking pretty jacked up right now, so I definitely need a haircut either way. Might as well go for it, right? Cutting my hair really short is on my 30 Before 30 list. I think it's as good a place to start as any. 

What's the boldest move you've ever made with your hair?

Popping In to Say "What Up"

Oh, hi. Did I forget to mention I got an iPhone for Christmas? I'm testing my mobile blogging capabilities for the first time.

Not sure how to add photos yet, otherwise I'd share with you all the football-themed Bubba Keg that I won at a white elephant party last month. I'm damn proud of this thing, and I use it every day at work to drink my water. Pretty ironic considering I made fun of my uncle to no end for carrying one of these things a couple years ago.

In other news, I've decided the best way to carry out my goal of reading 50+ books this year is to aim for five a month. So far this month I've read David Sedaris's new book, Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk, and I'm currently almost done with Football for Dummies. I just started reading Eats, Shoots & Leaves by Lynn Truss, a book that is right up my alley, as it's all about punctuation, its correct usage, and its history. Maybe a tad pedantic and extremist, but hilarious, if you can believe that about a book on punctuation.

So I'm trucking along pretty well, mostly thanks to reading books on my iPhone through the Kindle app. So, yeah. Love this phone.

Any suggestions for what else I should read this month?

Marfa

For the second year in a row, the Dude and I went to Marfa, Texas with some friends to celebrate New Year's. We saw a lot of the art last year, so this year was more low key. We rented a house, cooked, ate, drank, and hung out.

It was a pretty fantastic weekend. Great way to ring in the next decade.

And if you'd like to see a real photograph of all of us, you can go to my friend Katie's blog here.

Back to Basics

While it feels very nice and freeing to no longer have reverb10 prompts or nablopomo to post for, now I get into the reality of blogging for myself. It's great, if a little scary after the past two months of structure.

To be honest, I have been a little down this week. Maybe it's because the holidays are over, and now I don't have a nice long break from work to look forward to anymore. Maybe it's because the Dude's been sick all week and kinda grumpy and sleepy all the time. Maybe it's because I found out I need $2k of dental work. Whatever it is, it's nothing the weekend can't cure. In fact, I already feel better after my evening of watching the pilot episode of Veronica Mars (some of the best television ever created, IMHO), having a nice healthful dinner of chicken soup and broccolini, beginning the process of cleaning out my closet, and doing a yoga video for the first time in a long time.

I actually kind of feel like a new person. I'm gonna go to bed early tonight (after brushing my teeth with the electronic toothbrush and flossing, of course) and hopefully wake up bright and early for some coffee, then a day of organizing and cleaning, listing random items on eBay (gotta pay for that dental work somehow!), and making some tea cup candles.

I promise to blog about our trip to Marfa soon, but for now, I will leave you with this photo (taken by our friend, Colin):

Thirty Before Thirty

A couple months ago, I started a "30 before 30" list of 30 things I want to accomplish before I hit the big 3-0. Because I was working on this list, I haven't really done New Year's resolutions this year. (Although I have been taking better care of my teeth and skin, as well as walking up seven flights of stairs at work at least once a day.)

I've been tweaking it and adding some things, so here is my list in revised, final form:

1. learn how to sew a pillow
2. get Lasik surgery (don't worry, I will probably still wear "fake" glasses from time to time--I am too attached to my frames to give them up completely)
3. become a mother
4. visit the Pacific Northwest
5. pay off my bar loan
6. go to a pro soccer game (not MLS)
7. get an emergency savings fund with six three months of expenses
8. take the Dude to Brasenose College in Oxford (where I studied abroad in college)
9. finish furnishing our home
10. bake a pie from scratch
11. learn how to code
12. learn how to take pretty photos
13. learn how to sew a skirt
14. get my own office at work quit my full-time job
15. visit Mexico
16. learn how to apply a dual eyeshadow
17. go to batting cages and hit baseballs
18. go to gun range and shoot a gun
19. eat the best barbecue in Texas at Snow's in Lexington
20. make a wedding album for us to keep
21. pay off credit cards
22. see Radiohead in concert
23. install cabinets in master bath and kitchen
24. do editing full time
25. build my wardrobe by adding five timeless pieces (the perfect black dress, black heels, etc.)
26. cut hair really short (not mom-style)
27. replace all old dental work, get cavities filled, and get a retainer to prevent teeth grinding at night
28. get 100 followers and do a kick-ass giveaway on this blog in celebration
29. fix leaky pipe in bathroom and replaster wall
30. get another set of professional photos taken of the Dude and me (maybe a maternity shoot)

So what do you think? Is all of this doable in the next two-and-a-half years? 

Reverbing It Up, a Few Days Late

OK, now that I'm back from my New Year's trip (that I don't think I even blogged about yet...oops!), I'm ready to play catch-up on #reverb10. I know it's January 4, 2011. But eff it. I wanna finish. Would you object if I threw the last four all into one post? Didn't think so. Here goes...


Day 28's prompt was: Achieve What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today. (Author: Tara Sophia Mohr)


Going out on my own as a freelance editor. Right now, my completeness and happiness as a person are hinging on that magical moment when I leave my nice-paying job behind to strike out on my own. I think I will feel terrified, exhilarated, and completely free when I reach that point. Here go my ten things I can do or think to feel that way today: 1.) Stay up late dicking around on the Internet (or writing blog posts), 2.) Drink a beer, 3.) Close my eyes and hug my husband, 4.) Listen to something shoegaze-y, 5.) Do a few yoga poses before bed, 6.) Think about our London vacation we're planning for August, 7.) Think about taking my laptop to the coffee shop down the street to work instead of dragging my ass out of bed to drive to an isolating cubicle, 8.) Try not to think about my law-school debt, 9.) Nuzzle the cats, 10.) Fall asleep dreaming about Hogwarts.


Day 29:  Defining Moment Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year. (Author: Kathryn Fitzmaurice)


Last year was a bit back and forth as far as my deciding what I want to do with my life. But the moment I decided that I can give up my law degree and the cushy (but stressful and yet somehow boring) life it could give me was pretty defining.


Day 30: December 30 – Gift Prompt: Gift. This month, gifts and gift-giving can seem inescapable. What’s the most memorable gift, tangible or emotional, you received this year? (Author: Holly Root)   


While I received many (way too many--people were way too generous with me!) wonderful gifts this year, I think the most memorable one I've been given is the gift of mortality. Somehow this year I have felt "old" for the first time. Well, not old exactly, but like a frail human. One who will definitely part from her body one day. Gray hairs at my part. (They're not new, but getting more frequent.) The tiny hints of what will become crow's feet and forehead creases. Hands that are less supple and youthful than they once were. Knees that don't bend as easily as before. (Maybe a little more yoga would help this.)


Anyway, the point is at 27, for the first time, I know--more than academically--that this body will not last forever. This knowledge has made me want to live my life more fully--enjoy being young now because it will never happen again.


It's bittersweet.


But it's given me a new perspective. Along those lines, I am having some dental work done this month: replacing old fillings, getting a new one, even getting one, maybe two, crowns. OMG, I am so old that my original fillings are no longer holding up! (The dentist asked me when I got my braces off, and I had to think long and hard before I said "14 years ago." Wow.) I'm now obsessed with taking better care of my teeth so they will stay healthy (and pretty) for as long as possible.


I think growing up is a balance between living recklessly and living carefully. I feel like my gift in 2010 was finding it.


December 31: Core Story What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world? (Bonus: Consider your reflections from this month. Look through them to discover a thread you may not have noticed until today.) (Author: Molly O’Neill)


My core story, I think, is about autonomy. We all come into this world with certain advantages and disadvantages (and I will be the first to admit that I'm a lucky girl), but ultimately happiness is about outlook. You have the power to be happy or miserable, to project a personality that's cloudy or rosy (or somewhere in between). I share this with the world by blogging about the good and bad in my life, and how I cope with both. I hope that the way I handle negative things now will have a positive influence on my kid(s) someday.


Did you do #reverb10 this year? Did you like my answers to these prompts at all, or was this totally boring? I think it was good for self-reflection, but I'm not entirely convinced that it made the best content for my blog. Oh well, on to the next thing!